Top 5 things that make me an awesome conservative
1. I believe in same-sex marriage.
I mean, ITS CONSTITUTIONAL. If you don't like it, move. We have a framework for our country. We have to stick with it!
2. I don't believe in abortion.
That means I'm cool enough to go against those crazed baby-killers. Therefore, they would love to have a piece of me, but I'm still brave! (Hey, I got the Bush family on my side. All they need to do is throw a broken beer bottle at the bloodthirsty pregnant woman. I'm safe.)
3. I believe in the 2nd amendment.
If we don't get guns, then the liberals can't kill themselves! And THEN how would the state of America be? You think its overpopulated already? Try millions of more liberals, getting all sex-happy on the White House! Disgusting, I know. But take a look in the Clinton household and you'll get used to it, I'm sure.
4. I believe that God shouldn't be the center of government.
Go to Israel & Palestine for that, they seem to know a lot about religious doctrines ruling over common sense.
5. Marijuana shouldn't be legal.
So stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!