Thursday, November 19, 2009

Things that make me awesome. {Republican Top 5}

Here are the top five things that make me one awesome conservative. Don't like it? I'm sorry. You still offended? Well, I'll eat your cousin who smokes in the bathroom on Sunday services at church! LET'S SEE HOW OFFENDED YOU'LL BE THEN. I BET YOU'LL HATE ME MORE THEN.

Top 5 things that make me an awesome conservative
1. I believe in same-sex marriage.
I mean, ITS CONSTITUTIONAL. If you don't like it, move. We have a framework for our country. We have to stick with it!

2. I don't believe in abortion.
That means I'm cool enough to go against those crazed baby-killers. Therefore, they would love to have a piece of me, but I'm still brave! (Hey, I got the Bush family on my side. All they need to do is throw a broken beer bottle at the bloodthirsty pregnant woman. I'm safe.)

3. I believe in the 2nd amendment.
If we don't get guns, then the liberals can't kill themselves! And THEN how would the state of America be? You think its overpopulated already? Try millions of more liberals, getting all sex-happy on the White House! Disgusting, I know. But take a look in the Clinton household and you'll get used to it, I'm sure.

4. I believe that God shouldn't be the center of government.
Go to Israel & Palestine for that, they seem to know a lot about religious doctrines ruling over common sense.


5. Marijuana shouldn't be legal.
So stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!

Republican Loyalty Quiz Results

The Republican Loyalty Quiz
10 Questions to Test Your Allegiance to the GOP

Your score is 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a pure, unabashed, die-hard Republican loyalist You remain fiercely dedicated to fighting the twin evils of terrorism and liberalism, and you'd walk across a field of land mines if it meant casting a deciding vote for a Republican president. In your view, there is no higher form of patriotism than defending America against the Democratic Party and every elitist, French-loving, religion-mocking, America-hating, terrorist-appeasing ideal for which it stands.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

¡Mi burro sabe mas que tu!

Just thought I'd share that my donkey knows more than you.

Honestly, though? I'm just trying to learn some Spanish. Seeing as how my sister just taught me that, I figured I'd teach the world that.



Sarcastic Haiku #2

Oh, I'm on a roll. Oh, oh, oh.


Never had I thought
That underage pregnancy
Would be so damn chic.

Sarcastic Haiku #1

I decided to write a snarky haiku about something I feel passionate about.


If you don't like him,
You suffer from racism.
Seek help now, skeptic!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Love this song. [EMPIRE STATE OF MIND]

Yeah I'm out that Brooklyn.
Now I'm down in Tribeca.
Right next to DeNiro
But I'll be hood forever
I'm the new Sinatra
And since I made it here
I can make it anywhere
(Yeah they love me everywhere)
I used to cop in Harlem
All of my Dominicanos (Hey yo)
Right there off of Broadway
Brought me back to that McDonalds
Took it to my stash spot
560 State Street
Catch me in the kitchen like Simmons whipping Pastry
Cruising down 8th street
Off-white Lexus
Driving so slow
(but BK, it's from Texas!!)
Me I'm out that BedStuy
Home of that boy Biggie
now I live on Billboard
and I brought my boys with me
Say what up to Ta-ta
Still sipping Mai Tais
Sitting courtside
Knicks and Nets give me high-5
N**ga, I be Spiked out
I could trip a referee
...tell by my attitude that I'm MOST DEFINITELY FROM...

[Alicia Keys]
New York!!!!
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can’t do,
Now you're in New York!!!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

I made you hot n-gga,
Catch me at the X with OG at a Yankee game,
sh-t I made the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can,
you should know I bleed Blue, but I ain't a crip tho,
but I got a gang of n-ggas walking with my clique though,
welcome to the melting pot,
corners where we selling rocks,
Afrika bambaataa sh-t,
home of the hip hop,
yellow cab, gypsy cab, dollar cab, holla back,
for foreigners it ain't fitted act like they forgot how to act,
8 million stories out there and they're naked,
city it's a pity half of y’all won’t make it,
me I gotta plug a special and I got it made,
If Jeezy's payin LeBron, I’m paying Dwayne Wade,
3 dice cee-lo
3 card marley,
Labor Day parade, rest in peace Bob Marley,
Statue of Liberty, long live the World Trade,
long live the king yo,
I’m from the Empire State thats…

[Alicia Keys]
In New York!!!!
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can’t do,
Now you're in New York!!!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

Welcome to the bright light..

Lights is blinding,
girls need blinders
so they can step out of bounds quick,
the side lines is blind with casualties,
who sip the lite casually, then gradually become worse,
don’t bite the apple Eve,
caught up in the in crowd,
now you're in-style,
and in the winter gets cold en vogue with your skin out,
the city of sin is a pity on a whim.
good girls gone bad, the city's filled with them,
Mommy took a bus trip and now she got her bust out,
everybody ride her, just like a bus route,
Hail Mary to the city your a Virgin,
and Jesus can’t save you life starts when the church ends,
came here for school, graduated to the high life,
ball players, rap stars, addicted to the limelight,
MDMA got you feeling like a champion,
the city never sleeps better slip you a Ambien

[Alicia Keys]
New York!!!!
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can’t do,
Now you're in New York!!!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

[Alicia Keys]
One hand in the air for the big city,
Street lights, big dreams all looking pretty,
no place in the World that can compare,
Put your lighters in the air, everybody say yeaaahh
come on, come,

[Alicia Keys]
New York!!!!
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can’t do,
Now you're in New York!!!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York


I can’t blame ‘em, since I got famous but, I got money to blow

So let's get this in perspective: I have a writing style different than others.

Some people say reading my blog is like reading a movie review (or something?) but that's just my sense of humor.

I have a very dry sense of humor (look these words up in the dictionary: "WITTY" and "SARCASTIC.")

Sorry, but I'm a bit peeved that, when I posted a link to this blog on a facebook group, I got a letter back from the admin of the group--- telling me to write different.

Actually, here's the message. Take a gander:

On your blog don't talk like a press release.
Talk like a person. A person is reading this, so why are you talking like that?

Oh boy.

Honestly, I could care less. I even chose not to directly write back to him. But this is how I'mma write back to him: THROUGH THIS "PRESS RELEASE" OF A BLOG.

You wanna know why I write professionally? Because I'm all business. Because I'm intelligent. Because I find it funny to a point. Mind you, I just let my gaurd for this sorry man, but it's really whatever.

I just dislike when people tell me how to write, considering I'm not doing this for anyone. I am writing to vent all my frustrations. Simple, I know--- but it's still effective.

Anywho. Enough of this--- I got money to blowww.

(OH AND BY THE WAY--- yes I can take constructive crit, but I just got peeved that it came from some admin of a FACEBOOK GROUP. What makes him the authority I bow down to? I want to be a journalist, and even though I start with blogging, I really don't want to get my advice from some guy that makes his income through whining.)

OH KAY. I'm done.

Friday, November 13, 2009

The 365 Days Of Christmas.

Whether you like it or not, Christmas is year-round. And whether you're Christian or not, Christmas is here to stay in our "free country."

But the "free country" part is offtopic; all I wanted to say was that I am the typical American. I want a lot, but I scarcely need anything. Life is luxurious, and I'm just someone who basks on that poolside of national superiority.

And the topic in my crosshairs is simple: My X-Mas Wishlist.

I think I just want some tattoos or a haircut. Or some japanese exported plushies.

I'm simple. Art and fun.

That's MY life, C'est la vie.

But maybe I want a digital camera? Maybe I would want something else? A new cell phone?

Ah, screw it; I'm doing fine with what I have--- and whenever my birthday (December 4th) or Christmas comes rolling around the corner, I'll just ask Santa for whatever I want at the moment.

Live life, it's whatever.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Today is the greatest day I've ever known.{top 5}

So here's a list of the top 5 things that made me laugh vindictively today:

1. Watching my pug, Snickers, try impatiently to get at my bowl of cereal.
2. Logging onto facebook, to be invited to an event that I will not attend. HAH! I laugh in thy face of ye hopefuls.
3. Calling my pug a sausage. (I am discriminatory against overweight pugs.) But it makes me so happy to call a dog a name. I also kick dead horses & people in already on the ground in my sparetime.
4. Looking at the place where my pug peed last night. It's funny that he's just so dumb. I swear, this dog brings so much joy into my life.
5. And this one takes the cake : my dog hiding behind my computer desk as I'm typing this, because my mother is trying to put him in my crate.

Wow, so much mean laughter! :)
And it's only 8:11 AM! So there's much more to come!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

TRUE LIFE: I fail at life.

So today, I was totally going to finish my application for St. John Fisher's college.
Yeah, totally.
Until I chickened out on the essay, procrastinated until today, and then couldn't find the damn thing!!!
I fail miserably. Just ready to "pull a Kurt Cobain," as Tupac coined the term. Or something crude like that about suicide. I forget the exact wording, but it really doesn't matter.
ANYWAYS??! What am I going to do? I had the application fee waivered and everything! Aw, hell. I fail. I really am ready to take the keys, sneak out of the house, take my moms car, and drive at 70 mph off the thruway.
And yes, I am typing my disgust (at myself) instead of searching around my room, scrounging for it.

Wow. I fail so much.

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Oh, well hello. (And other stories of MASS INTRODUCTION)

Today was quite a fine day.

I scurried along in a car with my mother, far far away. Upstate NY, actually. Well, anywho. I took some pictures, drank some soda, and searched for a place that would give me a tattoo for 20 bucks.

No luck.

But don't worry, it's all good. I'm just chilling out at my apartment as of now, listening to an adorable little girl play French Horn down the hall.

I like it, because it reminds me of when I played baritone in 4th grade.

Imagine: 4 foot 9 inches of pure angst walking the halls of an elementary school, hiding behind a humongous brass instrument (to avoid questions from classmates.) As if being weird and obsessed with the paranormal wasn't enough already? Ugh. Sometimes I hate music class. I wanted to play the drums! But no! BARITONE???

You know what, screw it. I was in 4th grade...

But still. Ugh.